matthue roth

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06.30
sequence
No one around me knows anything, anymore
I talk to people and it's always lectures, lectures
when they allude to things, I always get it
bands, paintings, things that happened to us as children
because I used to be a child
and I remember all of it

I remember everythhing, I told you that night:
My first memory i of the moon when we came home from the hospital,
my parents put me in a crib, my father's blue jacket there to keep me warm,
because I'd fallen asleep on top of all the blankets
and nobody wanted to wake me.
My first sleep. I remember my grandmother feeling the
plug in my belly button, which would have to be snapped off soon,
the last part of my birth caul
the last part of my birth.

I don't remember the dreams I had that night, my first sleep
but I know what they were about.
The only things that had ever happened to me.
We spend the first nine months of our lives playing with God,
learning the way the world turns
and the secrets of the Kabbala,
and then, as we are about to be born,
an angel clefts us, here, under our nose
and we forget it all.

Start learning from the beginning.

But these are the things I know:
how to describe snow,
the Fibbinacci sequence, on pinecones and sunflower buds,
the exact right speed to throw a baseball,
whistling,
the speed of a falling brick
and how to always recognize my father's voice

and my mother's breast. She taught me everything she knew
so I never had to trip where she fell once,
I got my own bruises instead. My bubbie always told me I'm a trooper
and, believe me, I am--
I hate repeating anything but Motown songs.

My three favorite things in life

are attics, stories and sex.
all forms of creation.
All these things I remember.

And so much of what we do is down time:
waiting for a bus
or data entry, why do we never scream?
Screaming is my fourth favorite thing to do
and whenever I'm at a temp job, I steal a pad of paper
and spend the day writing songs.

Judaism teaches me that the day begins at sundown
and you can never start off the day with data entry, routine
so instead I go to clubs and dance:

seeing the universe go quicker until it stops totally
and the only sound is our hearts in sequence


6.25.01
mission dolores
san francisco

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candy in action: a novel by matthue roth

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